Delete Where Appropriate

Yeap the fact that i haven't been blogging for the entire term 1 explains how each day is so packed with so much stuff to do.And also because i have been staying back in sch till late almost everyday to do some work.I mean, on the bright side , i do get some work done.But workrate is unbelievably pathetic.Its definitely got to change, the March Block Test(which just ended today for me) results will probably show me why.

Ok so here's an update on whats been happening or whats happened already.Dance for orientation was by no means perfect but was still great, i'm so proud of my dancers!Haha.Really, its something that will always bring back some of the fondest memories in my time in meridian.The response we got was heartwarming and the applause and cheers told us that we didn't waste our efforts.Ordinary people coming together for something extraordinary indeed :)

I got a chance to join this Model UN conference organised by the French School during the March break and i must say, although i had to spend alot of time writing resolutions, speeches and position papers, it kind of was worth it when i think about.The last time i took part in a similar event was 2 years ago , the Model UN conference organised by NUS political science society.But that was largely a local students based thing.This SIMUN however , was an international affair and it was really an excellent opportunity to learn and interact with these people we may not meet every other day.Got myself on the front page of the SIMUN newsletter on the first day thanks to a really lame finishing line in my opening speech, "We're all in this together!".Lol.Probably with the help of Rozaliah and Nicole who might have fought for an mjc student to appear on the front page of the newsletter when there were other speakers who had impressed and other noteworthy events.Haha.I honestly didn't expect that much attention.But i'm thankful though, i got to know a lot more people.Although the picture of me on the newsletter makes me look like i'm going to eat the mike.And Rozaliah acknowledges that she chose this picture over a picture which was nice(well atleast my mouth was closed in that one and i didn't look like a lion roaring).Haha excellent experience overall.And to top it all off, i managed to come away with the Best Resolution as well as the superlative Best Speaker awards.I felt like crying while at the cocktail party at the end of the conference because i just realised how much this means to me.I haven't recieved an award or individual honour like the one in SIMUN for a very long time.I'm like now considering a career in the future as a diplomat and this experience and the awards do put me in a decent position to be able to get there.Oh and I promise if i get to the UN, i will say "We're all in this together!"  there as well.Lol.


If it sounds at the moment that my life is jolly good now, haha now lets go to March Block Tests.Apart from maths which was a complete disappointment, the rest of the subjects i have no idea whether i'm going to fail or pass.A combination of inadequate knowledge and virtually no time management has led to such a ridiculous situation.I just don't want my teachers to lose hope on me, i'm trying and i'm going to try even harder.Involvement in SIMUN, though i hate to admit it, did indeed reduce the time i had for studying during the March break.Here's hoping for a new direction in my academic crisis.

But beyond what my teachers think, i wish my Dad wouldn't give up on me.Although he publicly says he has given up on me, i know my Dad.He hasn't given up on me completely although repeating an extra year made him lose a lot of his hopes in me.You know for all my achievements in school that people commend me for, my Dad probably doesn't even know half of it. i wish i could go to my Dad and say " Hey dad, i choreographed this dance!" or "Hey Dad, i got gold for my SYF drama!".I'm used to hearing him say "Yea do all that but fail your exams."But i guess at the end of the day, he does this for my own good.Sometimes i get too caught up with having done something special and a reality check does help.Cause well, for all i can achieve, if my results ain't good, too bad for me.But nevertheless, i hope i can read a message or atleast eavesdrop on a conversation that would give me an indication of how proud he is of me.I can somewhat motivate myself but if i were to hear him saying he is proud of those achievements, you don't know much of a difference it would make.Haha.Its like i'm a y=f(x) graph and i got transformed to y=10f(x).Lol.Wow, i just realised i found an application for graphing techniques;to express happiness and inspiration.Haha.

Well hello there.Haha this is is going to be the first and last post of december 2008.Haha cause tomorrow's the first day of 2009 and i'm not really into multiple posts in a day.Well yea , as usual , with each new year, we try to search for a new direction in our lives.We enter the new year with the sense of having been cherished by our loved ones for another year.And the hope of finding our inner selves!Ok, the last one is a little retarded.Lol the mood is building up.

Like every other year , 2008 has its high moments and its low points.One High this year would be seeing the word 'promoted' on my report card and walking back to the classroom knowing that i'd done the job.Low point would be to replace the words 'done the job' with 'just about scraped through'.But i know i'm going in the right direction in terms of studying methods.Definitely improved in that department.And i did most of my homework.Haha.Biggest low was probably the B for Tamil in the A levels.Disappointment and pain that will forever remain with me.Highlights of this year would be the bash dance,the amazing friends and of course, OGL camp.That was really a wonderful experience where i somewhat felt the respect that people give to leaders.

This year has been the most heartbreaking , painful year in my life yet i've learnt so much that at the end of the day ,i can look back and say that 2008 was a good year.Repeating a year was hard.Very hard to accept.But yea , i'm glad i took it like a man , chose to remain here and do the right thing;give more attention to studying.And now i'm going into my senior year as a J3.Haha.This year i felt like i was an elder brother to my fellow batchmates and the respect i was given makes me feel that it wasn't that bad a thing that i actually stayed another year.And the satisfaction and peace i got from helping some of my friends through the whole retaining thing is something that motivates me to pursue a career someday where i can inspire people.God has given me a gift with words, to inspire and motivate people and i want to be someone like Adam Khoo , only that i don't charge so much.Haha :)

2008 was poetic.It had so much meaning and purpose.


and now , moving on to 2009 , here's just a list of ten things i want to do or hope to achieve =D


1.Help callisto win orientation 2009
2.Entertain people with the dance i have put all my heart into
3.Become the first meridian(should be ah.Haha) to participate in Colosseum Cheerleading 3 times.
4.Represent Meridian in the Plain English Speaking Awards :D
5.Perform a play i wrote infront of a sellout audience that i helped bring together
6.To lose weight and have the confidence to just participate(not win) in a track event for Colosseum
7.To study literature as if i love the subject
8. Become a student that one day teachers will be proud to say they had taught.
9.Establish the RC(Retainee Committee).Lol.Elections for president and committee members will be held soon , all are welcome to watch their rallies.Trust me , they'd beat council nominee rallies hands down.
10.Hey why not become Prom King as well?ROFL.This year's champion was also a 3 year course student(great guy) anyways. =P


Haha you know , if i were to finish like even half of these 10 things , i'd have to say 2009 would have been a good year too!We'll hope for the best for all of us this new year.So take care 2008 , you've been good so you get an extra second to stay and then 2009 will take over your duties.Lol.

Sometimes i think to myself that i came to the wrong school.But no , MJC is the right place for me.A place that i've learned so much and gotten do to so many things that i didn't think i would have gotten a chance at.So for that , I thank God for not intervening when i made a mess of my O level chemistry Practicals, that made the difference between VJC and MJC for me.Knowing that people appreciate you is something that i hadn't quite experienced in VS.But here in Meridian....it really keeps me going.To hear someone thanking you wholeheartedly in gratitude creates some sort of a sensation in my body.That small feeling of elation , like a rekindled flame in a dark hollow cave, is called happiness.I'm happy and proud of myself to have been able to help others.There will always be my share of critics but i daresay i'm a better person now than i ever was in my lifetime.And by God's grace , i have been able to draw strengths from adversities and carry on with my head held high.Although i sometimes think the school could have given me a chance to be in J2 this year, i don't regret having repeated another year.The time has come for the RC movement.We are no less qaulified and deserving than the rest of you.The school needs us every year to help people who find themselves newly inducted into the RC through these troubled times.I said i'd create history , tradition and culture here in my rally speech for council.Well, i'm sort of doing what i said i'd do.The swords of the challenges awaiting me are sharp but my courage and determination is far sharper.


KKH Fazall Abdull Hameed
MJC 3 year course student(and proud of it!)

Just came back from the JC1 bash.Overall it was a decent event by the council.The execution of their plan was better than last year's but i think for everything else , Fahrenheit 652 is tops.But it was a good turnout considering its at the atrium.Haha.I would call it a success but i hope they don't get too carried away with it;they've still got other , more challenging events coming.Its a good end to the academic year, hopefully things will be better for this council that has always been living in the shadow of their seniors.

On a personal front , i had two roles today(or should i say yesterday).First was being the emcee together with Amalina.Second was as the choreographer of the indian dance.One i was satisfied with , the other i am dissapointed with.The dance went great, credit to the dancers(Maisarah, Firdaus, Salihin and Heyya), they performed really well.Haha.I'm proud of them.But my other , perhaps more important role as an emcee, i feel i've let myself down.The council seemed to be satisfied because, a mediocre emcee was enough for them.But on a personal level, i feel i could have done so much better.I mean we always feel that but the feeling of having failed to do a great job is what makes it frustrating for me.Such is the standard i set for myself.I could feel glimpses of myself being the relaxed, witty speaker that i've know myself to be but it was largely lacking throughout.The starting was quite bad i would say.The ending i felt i was myself again.But most of the event turned out to be narrating between me and my co-emcee along with some enthusiastic people.There wasn't that connection between audience and emcee.And that is my fault for not putting more time to plan out a decent script like i did for teacher's day.I kind of focused so much on the dance , thinking that i'll somehow manage the emcee thing.Well yea i managed it alright , just about passing but not scoring.I've still got lots to learn and lots more to practise before i can do another event like this.But yea , its over already so now its on to the next event.If any that is.Haha.


I'm quite certain if i were to do another event as emcee in the next 3-4 months, the people will get bored.I mean we always need some variation from time to time.I love to be the host for events but yea , there are others out there who can do a good job too.But if in a case whereby for Orientation they get a emcee whose methods and techniques are half-baked, then i will challenge him for the emcee post.Haha that takes lots of Ego and courage to go to the council and tell them i am better than him/her.I might have it though , i know my ego is as high as mount everest.Lol.I try to keep it under wraps but i mean , it just shows up anyways.Haha.So hopefully , they bring in some good talent for that , i don't want to have to do that.Lol.But for now , i think i've done three emceeing duties so far, comments ranging from mediocre to good.Not bad.Of course , there's always going to be room for improvement.Maybe things might have turned out different today if they laughed to some of my lines and given more response when i asked for applause for the participants.Thats where i draw my confidence from;the crowd.It went missing and so did my highly-expected-from-audience-'charm'.Alrights , i'm disastrously tired right now, i better go pray and then sleep*Pats myself on the back*You tried man , you really did but it just didn't turn out the way you expected.Its alright , time to get on with life! =)


ps : some people make it a point to make their actions seem inferior inorder to get some form of encouragement and praise.I do not deny having done that before but in this instance , i really am disappointed with my emceeing today and your encouragement is appreciated of course but it won't make that huge a difference cause i'm not convinced.Haha thanks to all those who came for Bash! =)

I have to be the only promoted student being stressed out despite not having to take A levels nor PW this year.Its all to do with the bash and dance.Disappointingly , this year's batch isn't as supportive as my own batch.Maybe its cause i never really forged a close enough relationship with the J1s.The J2s were always very supportive and would go a good extent to support or help me.And i appreciate that.I mean i try to do the same for all my friends.But this new batch, not quite so....fun seems to override support.I mean going to the bash may seem ridiculous when its quite well-known that not much people are going to turn up but i wish they were able to see that i need their support.I'd like to emcee and dance for a decent crowd and their support would mean the world to me.For those who can't make it for the bash because they have something on , i am not talking about them.I am referring to those where not going is a personal choice they make since it does not promise them much enjoyment.That is quite sad.If i can't get even 5 of my friends who are not dancing to come to the bash on my appeal to them, then i would most certainly have failed in proving myself to be worthy enough of their time and support.What can i say.....


As for the dance , thats also turning into another disaster.One female dancer quit on monday morning at 1am because of discomfort with the dance.I just let go.And then one couple won't be doing the dance anymore because the guy can't make it so the girl doesn't want to anymore.So now i have 3 out of 6 required dancers remaining.For the past 3-4 days i have been looking for one dancer and then today the couple quit so now getting 3 dancers ready for a dance thats to be performed next thursday is proving to be a mammoth task for me.I've asked pretty much every suitable person i know.There's like a search squad out there helping me find people for the dance.I feel like just cancelling the whole dance.But whatever it is , i made a promise to perform for this event and no matter what , i will keep to my word.The only consolation to this stressful period of time is the fact that my orientation dance is going to be a star-studded performance and has 7 out of 10 dancers being confirmed thus far.All of these dancers are school leaders like OGLs, House Comm, Council etc.Haha and 6 of them are 3 year course students.RC(retainee committee) rocks.Haha.Lets all end Orientation 2009 with a bang shall we? =)


The difference between a 2 year student and a 3 year student is that a 2 year student, for the next one year , has a future whereas the 3 year student has a life.I think i'd prefer a life.As phrased cleverly by my bestfriend Mr Warran(who is aiming to be the top student of VJC and president of USA someday while being Singapore Citizen.Lol.).Haha but all's not over , cause the following year , while the 2 year student sweats on his future , the 3 year student starts sweating for his future.Hence, we RCs got a life AND a future.So who says repeating is bad?Lol.And it took me a year to realize that.

Sometimes , you should refrain from using the words "I understand".Cause , many a times , you don't understand how it feels in a particular situation.So is it just sediments of sentiments meant to make us think less of the tragedies in life?Haha the intention is to console us but it has a reverse effect sometimes , as if you're just saying that but you really don't know what its about.I have been retained.If i share with you my feelings about that , don't use those words cause you just would never understand how it really feels.And don't say "I wish i was retained" to a retainee either.I assure you most of us would willingly switch places with you anytime.Its not as simple as you would think , the lives of us RC.And please , don't call us stupid.It just hurts.


I want to cry but the tears just won't come.


I wrote the above in an entry dated 31st January 2008.I should think i'm right to think it holds true even today.So friends , if your loved ones are going to be doing a 3 year course , remember to be careful in what you say.Its not your pity they want but the empathy you can't grant.And its not your fault.So don't hate yourself for not knowing the right thing to say or the right way to console these people.And to those of you who are newly enrolled in the RC , please remember , You don't have to apologise cause you didn't do anything wrong.Its normal to be down and feel really low but the more you talk about the past and think about what might have been, it becomes more difficult to move on.I mean it took me an entire year to get over the retaining thing and even now , when i looked at my older posts, i feel like crying.So got to try your best to look forward to the future and lock the old fond memories in our hearts while replacing the unpleasant ones with newer , more beautiful memories.You guys can do it! I have no doubt at all that you guys will make a mark next year and repay the confidence your loved ones have on you.It ain't over till its over =)

"She doesn't like him".Yea the him is referring to me.A confirmation for a doubt i've had for months although not sure how valid her basis for such a feeling is.Luckily i also have reason not to like her too, otherwise i would be superficially not liking her just because she doesn't like me.Well , here's the thing.I hate losing to a person i don't really like.So the fact i've lost at the moment ,is quite frustrating.But hey you know what?I'm going to beat her next year.As in not literally , i mean in examinations.Muggers follow a smart strategy in studying so much.I acknowledge muggers, i just don't respect them.Its time to put that extra year i have over you to good use.Funny, i thought we could have been good friends when she first came here.I mean i did find her nice.The early indications were promising.And then it broke down quite abruptly.Maybe thats why now i don't really like her.Strange.Oh wells.Maybe there might be some reconcillation next year.

So the repeat student list is getting increasingly filled up with popular leaders who may not necessarily have deserved such a fate.But like i've told a few of them , you've got to keep your heads up and take on the challenges ahead.I'm certain they will do just fine next year.An honest but extremely challenging appeal to these repeat students : Don't curse those people who have been advanced with 'boderline' scores.In this case , don't bring someone else down to bring yourself up.Even if they had scored worse than you but were still advanced ahead of you.Pray that these people will repay the faith that the school has in them and do better next year.The only time you should allow yourself to get angry is when you see a boderline advanced student doing terribly bad even late next year.So those people who just scraped through , please work harder to improve your grades for you have been offered a chance that many were deprived of.Its for your own good anyways.I'm sure if you put your heart in it , you can do it!Not the best person to speak about this but someone has to i guess.

Been playing neopets recently to bid my time.Its really fun!Lol.Yes yes i know , i'm so childish.But its ok i guess, i'm a bit too free at the moment.Got to start studying like in the next couple of days though.Otherwise how am i supposed to achieve my goals for 2009?Haha.In other news , i'll be emceeing for Year End Bash this year at the atrium.The council this year are just unfortunate.As much i don't think i'm going to have much audience during the event , nevertheless its still an event.The Bash will always remain close to my heart.It was my event last year and something that i'm quite proud to have been part of.As much as i know we could have done better, its still special.Oh and i'm choreographing another shorter dance to perform for the bash.The original dance is going to require alot of effort and i'd like more people to watch it.So i'm postponing it to maybe Orientation where we could make a special performance or something.I felt bad since i had already promised the dance to council first for teacher's day and then for bash.And so that explains why i'm doing this new dance.I have to move ahead with the original dance soon , otherwise it will just fall apart.And i'm also hoping that those who rejected my request at asking them to join the dance do so not because they don't have confidence in me that i can make a good dance.The search continues.

The Cold War ended cause all good things have to come to an end.The end of the Cold War heralded the beginning of a better world? Hmmm...not too sure about that =)

Hmmm...quite a bad day i would say.I mean this entire week is going to be a bad day for a lot of people.But yea thats life.Haha everbody talks about bad things happening to them and their good friends and then they question oh why , why must this happen to them, why not to anyone else.Well , i would honestly wish it happens to nobody because i know the pain.But well , life isn't exactly going according to script is it?Sometimes misfortune strikes some people.People who don't deserve it.But its important to look beyond it.Repeating does not mean the end of the world surely.its hard yes , to face reality after having literally been told that you are one of the worst-performing students in the year.But thats what we've got to do.Keep our heads held high , our dignity should not fall apart.Defeat is not when you fall, its when you refuse to get up.Sit down for a little while and then get up friends.You can do it =)

Sometimes i wonder , am i being too helpful such that it irks some people?Maybe.But hey guess what, i just like helping people.Madam Rohayati said today : "You're always helping others , you should help yourself first". Yes mam you're right.But since the PW period is so stressful for alot of people , i don't mind making myself available to help people with their work.I'm starting with reading literature this week so quite a quick move back to revision i would say.Haha.Its really funny when people make sarcastic comments straight to you and then you imagine yourself being childish enough to prolong the verbal exchange face to face.Had that experience today.Oh and just an answer to a question i was asked , whether i will do the I&R for the entire class if they asked for it since i helped two of my classmates.Well , yes to the best of my ability.If you understand my nature good for you.If you don't , then thats what the next year in mjc will help you with!Haha =)

You know i looked through some of my earliest posts and i realise that i really wrote in a way that hurt alot of people.And once again i must apologise for that.But i am happy to say that over time , my posts have been real , yet less hurting to others.I mean , you can have a frank discussion about life without hurting other people.Its a matter of whether you take the extra effort and how much these relationships with people mean to you.It meant alot to me , so yea it shows in my writing to some degree, when you compare my recent entries with those of the past.I mean , at some point we have to realize that admitting our own faults does not take away the intensity of the things we say about other people and it doesn't really make you seem any nicer either.I would see that as an attempt to make oneself feel less guilty.Yea i would know , i have been guilty of such posts before.Haha natural human behaviour only to a certain extent though.If you feel very strong emotions , then try not to write about other people because what you say may be out of stress or frustration but it can pierce even the bravest hearts.We should all remember the responsibility that we have to uphold each time we write on our blogs.So many people see it , every word or phrasing is important.I hope i haven't gone into a preaching tone already!Haha , just wanted to share what i have learnt and hopefully others will also realize this soon enough before things get too complicated.

Writing in a blog is like having sex.You don't need to abstain , just have safe sex =D

Well i've just returned from my OGL interview.The scary part isn't the interview itself.Rather its the self-restraint that comes with knowing pretty much the entire interview panel beforehand.I was being myself, the cheerful, lame guy but i left the interview feeling i could have done better.Haha thats the standard post-interview feeling.But hopefully i get through.Quite disappointing if i fail.I mean what a humbling sia...from councillor to OGL reject.But more than the pride thing, its more like i want to be an OGL.Haha hope for the best =)

I'm super bored nowadays.Been bidding my time talking to friends , helping with PW and a little teaching of my J1 content.Haha i should seriously have a proper life.Every other person would be sleeping, watching movies and just chilling.My life remains roughly the same before and after promos, minus the studying.My thoughts have also been on the Bash this year.I've been trying my best to convince people to come to watch my dance but i seriously need the council to make a greater effort in promoting their event.Even the dance progress is really slow.I haven't been able to have a single session since i postponed the dance in august.Its difficult but yeah , it was always going to be challenging to get 9 other random J1s to do a bollywood dance together.

I started on a concept for a play but i'm a little too lazy to put my mind and heart into it and get started on actually writing it out.It deals with the idea that the human mind is a grey area.There is no one who has completely positive or negative thoughts.I'm suggesting that the things we think and feel is the result of the interaction within our mind by different personalities.Almost like a group of people who are different in many ways , talking to each other.Haha.Simple in a complicated way.

Lets rejoice =)

Dear God,

               I really do want to pass my Lit paper tml.But if there can only be a limited number of people passing , then let someone else pass....i don't want the people i know to end up like me.The pain is too much to take.I'd rather go through the pain of failing my Lit then seeing them suffer through having to stay back another year.Let me pass , but more importantly , let these people whose lifeline lies in Lit pass.By your grace , i have passed every other paper till date and that is good enough to get me to J2.I will work harder to improve my grades with your blessings.This past week has been great for me but just for tomorrow , let it be a good day for everyone else as well.Inshallah, we'll be fine.


Thank you

KKH Fazall Abdull Hameed
3-year course student at MJC

I should have just memorized the entire revision package for economics.I simply didn't know my stuff well enough and i didn't realize that until last night.And by that time it was too late already.

On the bright side , time management has  improved significantly.But just feel a little demoralized....its not supposed to be like this.Again.and again.But got to get on with it i guess....now its time to focus on james joyce.

I don't know what i'm going to do.Just tired lah.

The study break has been quite useless so far.Revision for the past two days has been pathetic to say the least.Entire body feels week in the daytime and my body just doesn't seem to be suited to be able to study properly in the early hours of the morning either.And exams start in like two days.As usual i don't think i'm going to do much for General Paper but for economics i need to rewrite the revision package answer scheme essays to make sure i can write in time.By the time that happens my hand would have memorized which letter to place at which line in the writing paper.Lol.I still believe that if i finish the paper , i will pass.Haha but i want to do well too! So need to brush up on my economic knowledge.Haha.Literature is perhaps going to be my most remarkable achievement if i even pass.Maths , got to practise somemore and perhaps an A might be possible.History revision is well , not too good cause i have yet to look through all the essay outlines i have.Luckily i have done one extra year so atleast i have the confidence of being able to get through without really studying from the lecture notes like most people.Come on Mr KKH , its about time you kept yourself focused.This is one area where experience really does help.Lol.



Its a thought that crossed my mind again...

Maybe we won't , maybe we will...But my memories of you will always be dancing with me

Feeling kind of off....starting on a new song tonight.

Haha kind of bored doing history....so i decided to just think back on the songs i've written.Its approaching a year since i finished my first one.Here's a list of them again with the description of each song in brackets :

1)The Footnote Song(corny love song)
2)Let Me Love E-Learning(lame song justifying the need to do E-learning)
3)Its Hard To Say Goodbye(probably my most emotional song, about leaving council)
4)Questions and Answers(philosophical song about life)
5)When I Thought I Saw A Walking Rainbow(a love song that speaks about moving on from one failed quest for love to the beginning of a new love)
6)Lightning In Your Eyes(Haha meant to be a motivational song for a special friend)
7)Dancing With Memories(A love song as a message to a special person i adore)


All of these songs are close to my heart and i think i want to sing atleast one of them next year in school.Its not that hard to find musicians to compose music nowadays...every other person plays a quitar or piano.Lol.Now i'm not quite sure what exactly to write about for my next song.I'll start work on it when exams end in about two weeks time.I think i'll take a break from writing about love...don't really feel that now.One option is to write about Global Warming.Lol.Plan B could be writing about school life, using the concepts we study in school to explain life.eg. My leg hurts so much , its as devastated as the Soviet economy was.Lol.But next year i'm definitely going to write a song titled "When I Got A Contract Extension".Haha obviously it talks about my experience in meridian.And how i embarked on a 3 year course instead of just two years, an offer i couldn't refuse.Haha literally , they didn't exactly give me other options apart from repeating another year so i really couldn't refuse.When i come back to MJC after graduating, i'll wear a T-shirt that says "MJC : The Best 3 years of my life...an offer we couldn't refuse" and then go visit Ms Lai =P

I have successfully filed all my worksheets(except those which i'm using for this week).And it feels real good.Haha.This is the most organized i've been in years i think.Now i've got to plan the contents of my quick revision for the next 2 weeks thereabouts.Got a whole load of stuff to choose from.The good thing in being a 3 year course student is that i have access to both J1 and J2 stuff.Which is great since the J2s have so many essay outlines for history as well as a few for literature, that are meant to prepare them for the A levels.Yays.Lol.I wanted to attend the H3 programmes breifing today but i was too ashamed to go there when my grades were so bad.Oh and i didn't go to school today either cause of my leg.I'm like limping 24/7 and its really painful.

I'm planning to stay back in school everyday for  the next week to study till school closes.I think i might be able to get more work done that way.Nowadays i'm praying Terawih prayers at home so i guess thats not so much of a problem now.Oh and i'm determined to lose atleast 5-6 kgs by the time exam ends.Not too bad since i've lost 3kgs so far in 1.5 weeks since the fasting month started.Nice.Haha.Inshallah, hopefully i succeed in these endeavours.

I want my 11AU so that i can apply for a really good scholarship next year to study Law at a good university.And for that , i need to take up a H3.Interest wise , it would be economics but that is really quite tough to qaulify let alone handle.So Maths would be the best bet.Imagine a guy who got a U for maths taking  special paper for maths.Sure , Impossible is Nothing.Someone inform adidas, i'm sure they would be happy to sponsor me =P lol.

In characteristically Fazall words, a message to myself : (pats shoulder)Proud of you!You're a good man.

Lol =D

Nee pesina oru vari...en manam valikirathu.Aanal unakku oru velai puriyavillai....manam valithalum unmael ennal kobam kolla mudiyavillai.Un meethu oru murai kooda kobam konda nyabagam enakku illaiyadi.Enakkul ninaithen....etho pirachnay , athanal than appadi pesiyirunthai.naan ninaithapadiyae nee ezhuthiyirunthai , thaervinal manavulaichal aakaiyal oriru nerungiya nanbargal thavira vaeru yaridamum pesa unakku viruppamillai.Naan unnai ookkuvikkum tharunathil unakku innum athiga patcha manvulaichalai oru velai thanthirukkalam.Atharkaga naan mannippu kettukolkiraen.Nee kaettapadiyae naan unnai thonthravu seiyamaatein, avvappothu nee nanraga irukkirai enru paarpein atharku kooda vaettu vaithuvidathe.Nee sonna oru vari yaen ivvalavu ennai baathikkirathu enru nee ketkalam.Enenral naan pirachnayil irukkumbodu pesa virumbum oriru nanbargalil neeyum onru.Nee nallarntha enakku pothum.ithai kandal thamizh padathil paarkum unarvugal poal unakku thoanalam.Aanal ingae naan solvathellam en manathilirunthu varubavai....

Tamil is able to express the intensity that i feel english isn't quite able to capture for me with my narrow vocabulary and all.Or maybe i'm just used to melodramatizing situations.If you think you're close enough to me to be quite sure i'd tell you what this means, then by all means ask me.Otherwise you could just leave it , i'll be alright soon enough.Thank you. 

Well as you would have guessed from the title of this entry , something isn't quite right.Once again this has to do with academics.Somehow , although i do see myself taking the effort to change my studying method by practising more....i still don't feel confident.In fact , i feel less confident.I feel like going back to last year's strategy , reading the notes until it got kind of stuck inside my head....where i'd get excited when i see a question on economics and all.I could recognize that the question was talking about a public good from the first few words itself.But now , its like....i mean i still can do that but definitely my knowledge and confidence isn't as strong as it was last year.The funny thing is , i failed last year.Whereas this year , although i think i'm going on the right path by asking for help from teachers here and there , i still don't feel half as confident.Maybe its because this time i'm trying as far as possible to give each subject enough attention whereas last year i was pretty much banking on economics and to a certain extent literature.And doing this , i realise how much there is to do for each subject.Stress sia.Haha.


And to make matters worse , the expectations i'm facing.And if that wasn't bad enough , its the desire to take up a H3 subject, preferrably Economics.Yes , it probably occured to you that i'm asking for the pressure by having so much dreams.See , thats the problem with repeating;you've got too much to prove.To others and above all to yourself.But i mean , its there for the taking.Just got to push myself as hard as i can.Yea , perhaps thats another reason for the lack of confidence...i'm doing something but its not enough.And i still haven't quite conquered my time management problem.No doubt my time management has improved with all the writing practise, but its still not enough to allow me to maximise my marks.And maths!Oh dear , its not like i haven't practised....at the moment it just doesn't 'click'  like it used to.(shakes head) Just 2.5 weeks left to pull off a miracle of sorts.


In other news, the fasting month has started.This means a good chance to lose weight and spiritual cleansing.I'm managing so far.....the not eating/drinking isn't the difficult part.Its having pure good thoughts.We can't quite think about girls , gossip or bitch , get angry....basically , every temptation we have to resist.Very demanding indeed but i'm proud to be able to carry on.Haha.it feels good lah , 11 months we're so busy absorbed in our lives and to dedicate one full month to God brings me happiness.Slowly, but surely i've got to align myself with the principles of the religion.Lol , suddenly i become a religious fundamentalist like ayotollah khomeini. Can be the first islamic leader who can't read one verse off the Quran....Revolutionary.Oh the shame!Got to do something about it after exams....can't go on not having read the holy book of Islam.

talking about doing things after exams , here's 5 things i wanna do after that :

1) Take the driving license
2)Write a play that criticises Singapore society and if applicable the government too
3)Prepare my dance team for our bollywood dance performance
4)Shop for the best present i can get 
5)Chill ah.Lol.

(looks through list)Jiayou KKH Fazall! Breeze through your promos , feel at ease! =D

Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, what you think of me, your parents, girlfriend, anything. Just be true to yourself. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like.Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.A journey to self-realization begins here =) 

It feels like ages since i've posted an entry.Well , let me start with my latest song , entitled "My Elysium":


My Elysium

Love's like an Elysium dance
Don't know what to expect anymore
Waiting to choreograph...
The most meaningful sequence alive.

Everytime you come along
you make me turn around
weaving through the crowded streets
listening for your every beat

The warmth of your smile takes away
the chill in the mornings
The adorable innocence of yours
soothes me like a lullaby

You unknowingly make
falling for you
a foregone conclusion

I can't control
the overflow
of my emotions

love, look at me
Won't you say you love me too?


Love's like a pendulum swing
Don't know which way its gonna go today
Waiting along with time
for the saccharine swing of my life.

Sometimes i try to hide from your eyes
You're too good at making me blush
Maybe you'd think these words ain't true
But from my heart they came right through

Sometimes i wonder if we could
ever be together
I mean there's a hundred party spoilers
for my fairytale

Maybe we won't , maybe we will
But my memories of you
will always be dancing with me....

I can't control
the overflow
of my emotions

Love look at me
is there something you'd
like to tell me

You unknowingly make
falling for you
a foregone conclusion

Keep walking my way
atleast i'd rejoice
in your happiness


Haha as you would have figured, its a love song.I chose to use 'elysium' not because i like a dancer but because it brings out the meaning of how i feel.So don't get fooled.Lol.There's alot of emotions involved here , some blatant , others not so obvious.But this song is from my heart, a message for Her =)

The past few weeks i've been getting worried quite often.Sometimes for practically no reasons.But perhaps the biggest chunk of my worries has been finding a way to do well.And i mean academic excellence.I know alot of people including teachers and friends had(not have) the impression that i was a very bright student.But somehow i don't where i lost it all in Meridian.Sometimes i look at myself in the mirror and wonder if the fazall-intelligent link was made up rather than really true.I have to get promoted.No two ways about that.And i am not returning back to VS without achieving decent grades.Which means that i won't be going back for teacher's day next week.Not because i don't want to see them;I infact would love to see them all again.I mean VS truly , was like the time of my life and the teachers there were amazing.But i can't bring myself to go back there when i feel i've let them down.I will get the grades first , and then i'll walk back into my school with pride that i have , to a certain extent atleast , kept her flag unfurled.Haha , perhaps only VS guys would understand this bond we share, those that learnt to love their school the way i did.

Apart from worrying about myself , i also worry about my friends.Most of my friends are taking their A levels this year.I don't think i need to comment on how they are feeling about the approaching exams , you just need to go to their blogs and you'd get the picture.Somehow , i also feel responsible for them.Maybe because i know i would feel some pain too if they didn't do as well as what they expected.I wish i could help some of them but i mean , its a rather strange equation.I won't accept help from a J1 if i'm in J2.Somehow , it just doesn't seem appropriate.Some people call that ego.Haha.But i believe i can help some of them in some areas but i don't know , maybe they feel the same way i do about accepting help from people who are technically of a lower level of academic qualification.I don't think there's anything wrong in admitting that.But at the same , time , we've got to work on that cause after all , help is help , no matter who it comes from.So from a practical point of view, we have to put ego and pride aside.I'm trying and its really hard , but i'm trying nevertheless.I hope the J2s realize that too.Their fellow peers are sometimes too busy attending to themselves , they don't have the time to help them.But the J1s may be able to aid them there, as they are learning the foundation topics in J1 afterall.


I'm worried about a particular friend of mine whose very close to me.I want her to do well but like i don't know how to help her except offer to help her understand some stuff and also ensure there's awlays someone she can study with.Its too late for tuition i think.But its not too late to salvage something.Even if she does not get the straight As that she is no doubt capable of,she could still get an A or two which hopefully would be good enough for a course she wants to go to. The most important thing is that you got to look back at your last 10 weeks or so to the A levels and think to yourself that you have profit-maximised. i.e given everything you have atleast for that last lap.Be the female version of Usain Bolt.Haha.Believe in yourself the same way i believe in you.You can do it.No that will not do.Tell me you WILL do it.Not for anybody but for yourself.Not only me , all of us are behind you.This ain't pressure , this is encouragement!Lol.If you feel down or anything , drop me a message or call me and i'd be happy to entertain you with some educational humour(defined as extremely lame and retarded jokes that are based on the content of the subject we study in school).Haha like you said , i've never quite missed one call from you.Don't ever think i'd be too busy to talk to you.Anything, you know your grizzly bear is here =)

take care dear , i'm cheering you on from the sidelines with nice rainbow-coloured pompoms =D

A dream has been half shattered.I'm calling off the teacher's day dance for now and postponing it to some other date.Difficult decision to make but it just had to be made.The timing and events surrounding this performance was just off.Hopefully , my team of dancers will not walk out on me and stay with me when we do this dance for maybe the bash or soiree.Haha i chose teacher's day for a simple reason.Not because i am so tocuhed by the teachers.Its because i wanted to showcase this dance to my J2 batchmates.I wanted to show a certain Her.But i guess sometimes , you got to make tough decisions for the greater good.In this case , more time to concentrate on schoolwork and other commitments that are at this stage involuntary.For all of us to get promoted.Somehow i'm a little sad cause i've given alot of my time and effort into making this dance a reality.Add to that the difficulty of finding replacements for people who quit.But it was an experience alright.Haha.We will definitely perform this dance soon but just that small regret the J2s won't be able to see it.Half shattered dream.Haha.


And random thought but i kind of miss sylvia.Haha haven't spoken to her properly for some time now.I hope you're alright friend =)